2 Stars
Assertiveness is about treating yourself as an equal with others and taking ownership of your well-being while respecting others’ differences.
I hoped this would be a good book for my nieces, a guidebook of sorts to refer to as they traversed the waters of life. It is a good book, but it is less of a preemptive resource than a self-diagnostic tool. For individuals who either don't have the resources or the inclination to divulge themselves to a stranger in therapy this may be useful. For young women trying to make sense of themselves and world, less so.
The exercises are not overly laborious, but they do ask the reader to be introspective, to analyze past events in different ways to attempt to achieve the FIVE Cs:
Clarity
Confidence
Calmness
Connection
Compassion
The means to do so are through exercises that contemplate and enhance:
Self-Reflection
Self-Awareness
Self-Soothing
Self-Expression
Self-Expansion
Assertiveness is about treating yourself as an equal with others and taking ownership of your well-being while respecting others’ differences.
There is less assertiveness in this book than mediation of self and others. The chapter about how to broach tough discussions really made me feel like the author wanted us to mirror therapist modes with timing it right, seeking permission, keep it private--at this point, I get the difference between successfully navigating a minefield, but it's not assertive. Putting off what you want to say until someone wants to hear it--is non-confrontational, and placing someone else's needs before you. The advice made me feel like it was more about communication strategies than assertiveness. While the mind yourself, Don't Go Off Half-Cocked repeated mantra was getting stale by the end of the book. Yes, when one is emotionally compromised, it is not the time for any useful conversation to occur.
This book is primarily focused on emotional relationships, so career or professional advice is near zero. Frankly, one of the pieces of advice I just shook my head at and would never recommend.
This skill comes in handy not only in intimate relationships but also in professional settings, where you likely have to keep your cool in stressful situations. For example, if someone interrupts you during a work meeting, it may remind you of how your older sister used to talk over you at the dinner table while you were sharing something exciting about your day. A flood of past negative experiences compounded by the immediate emotional event might feel overwhelming to you, so it would probably be best to push the emotional pause button, take a moment to identify your feelings (mindfulness), reflect on why your response is so intense, and wait to do more work on this at a later time.
It doesn't actually tell you what to do, but to reflect on yourself. My two unprofessional cents, enquire if it is an emergency and state you're in a meeting. If emergency, beg forgiveness to participants and reschedule or ask for a small break and handle the situation. Not an emergency, clarify you'll check in when your meeting is done.
The discussion of non verbal cues in communication was too brief. Additionally, the section of incorporating these strategies into assertive action, OSCAR was comprised of two examples! Actually, one and one/fifth; the first example only got through "O" before being resolved. This was not enough--FIVE pages. That's it.
The final quarter of the book was much weaker than the rest. I found a great deal utility in the self-examination in order to understand why one feels the way they do and therefore reacts the way they do. But, I found that the book didn't deliver on parlaying that information into interactions. They were too brief and felt rushed. For a book about assertiveness, this spent an inordinate amount of time worried about other peoples' feelings and reactions.
Overall, this book was not what I was hoping for. It's a resource, but I find the title Assertiveness Guide slightly deceptive.
Saying no is the primary way we express “I am me. I am not you. We are different.”
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